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I know I have enough excuses to fertilize every farm in the United States and beyond as to reasons why I haven't written anything here lately. Some of them include:
  •  I was abducted by aliens that felt I would benefit from cyber-conversion. This obviously took some time.
  • I made a wrong turn at Albuquerque and ended up in Shangri-La. Everything was perfect until I found out they didn't know who Coldplay was. I left.
  • Zombies. It's always zombies.
  • I was trapped in a Vogon airlock.
  • I didn't have time to write because I had to rescue a nest of baby cobras from a hungry honey badger.
  • I was going to write a post until I took an arrow to the knee.
  • I rolled a one.
There is an ever present theme that I've noticed in my life, a lesson that the universe likes to re-teach me every so often whenever it feels I've forgotten: if I don't hold myself accountable, I will reason my way out of just about anything. 

As much as it sucks to say so, here is the truth: I am horrible with time management.

If I don't keep a rigid schedule of "sameness" every day, my world becomes a jumbled mess of priorities, deadlines, and an overwhelming need to run in the opposite direction from it all. There are so many things that I want to do in a day versus the things that I have to do, that often times I am paralyzed with the indecision of how to prioritize based on the time that I am given. 

While I am excellent at making lists--and seriously, I kick an unbelievable amount of list-writing butt--without a scheduled and consistent daily routine, I'm pretty useless when it comes to proficiently tackling anything on said list. I require a certain amount of organization in order to run at maximum efficiency.

Which means that the chaos of this last year has me running on little more than the magic and madness of 'The Present' (with hope that the future will take care of itself,) and a whole lotta methane. (Really, right now I think that hot gas is the primary element fueling the acquirement of my degree, but that's another post entirely.) Unfortunately, life hasn't quite settled into the routine that I need being as that there are so many things that are still up in the air.

That lack of routine makes me feel less in control.

Now logically, though I may not have control over certain life situations right now, I know that I am in the driver seat when it comes to things like how I spend my time. However, that kind of truth also makes me feel bad. Because that means that anything that doesn't get done--like writing--is my fault.

And damn, if that doesn't sting.

Ah, but my reasoning steps in and goes something like, "Don't feel bad. It's not your fault that your teacher employs sweat shop methodology to your homework assignments. You're a straight A student--you're sacrificing so much already for that. So, you didn't get any writing done today. So what? You spent writing time with your kids instead, because your effing homework takes so much time away from them as it is, the poor neglected darlings. And you had to take care of that thing, you know, that thing that only you could take care of because you are 'She Who Takes Care of Things Large and Small' and it needed to be done right-this-moment-without-delay-becausethewholeworldhangsinthebalance-OH-MY-GAWD! Yeah, that thing. Now, go eat some chocolate and enjoy your all expenses paid trip to Zero Accountability. "Afta all, tomorrah is anotha day."" 

Down deep though, I know the truth--I need to manage my time better. Come to think of it, I probably need to stop writing "chocolate" on my to-do list too.

....

Well, one problem at a time.

Anyway, iCal has become my new best friend.  As Annie Dillard said, "A schedule defends from chaos and whim. It is a net for catching days. It is a scaffolding on which a worker can stand and labor with both hands at sections of time." It's really encouraging to have a semblance of order amidst the pandemonium. I was beginning to worry if I would ever escape the ranks of the insane.

I also need this journal to keep me honest. (At least, as honest as a person who makes stuff up for a living can be anyway.) That means more posts on a consistent basis.

And we all know that consistency is as crucial to good time management, as a nice patch of grass is to a constipated weiner dog.

It feels good to finally be going somewhere.

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tam_albright

April 2012

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